May 17, 2012 | Subscribe

I'm not sure where to go from here...

By onehearttwokeys on Sat, 01-28-12, 08:41

Posted in Group:

I'm not sure where to start. I've been dating my very best friend of 10 years for the last 3 1/2 years. We have been through everything you can imagine through out the years. Suicidal teens, my bi polar mom and my dad with all his medical issues and abusing his medicine, his crazy abusive mom who abandoned them and his drugged up dad letting it all happen, my abusive boyfriends, getting engaged to one, him marrying someone just like his mom (she cheated on him on their wedding night), after all the we some how found each other. Nothing has ever felt more right. But lately it's been a battle and I'm not sure when or if I should throw in the white flag. I knew a very long time ago that he came with certain things, well certain issues. He fell out of the back of a truck going 75 miles... He has quite a bit of brain damage it's hard to get him to understand certain things and he also forgets a lot of things (among a lot of other issues). Plus his background... his mom was very abusive and all his siblings say he got the worst of it. 2x4s with rusty nails is just one of many examples. She was also emotionally abusive. He never went to school not even home schooled. How that woman has never been locked up I don't know. I have always made excuses for him because of his back ground. Well and because I love him. He is by far one of the most amazing people I have ever met. By meeting him you would never know his background. However he has many addictions... They've gotten worse over the years. Smoking, poker, work, porn, lying... If he stops one he trades it for another. Recently some things have been discovered and are just now be dealt with. Last week I found old emails to a couple of girls off different "hook up" sites. They emailed back and forth, exchanged numbers. He also called each girl by his nick name for me, Gorgeous. They talked about meeting up but he swears that they never did. I don't think I'll ever know what's the truth. It ended after a few months. He just started going to meetings for pornography and sex addiction. He also put a program on the computer that blocks all those sites and it emails me if he trys to get on them. He is making an effort. He swears he'll never put me through this again. I want to believe him... However I have always believed him which is part of the problem. He didn't tell me how far that addiction went because he was afraid of loosing me. One of his biggest fears is everyone leaving... because everyone always has. For now I am staying because I realize this is a problem. I don't ever want to look back and wonder what if I stayed... but I'm afraid I'm staying because I don't know how to let go of him... That's just a little bit of what's going on. I'll post more later. Is anyone else here going through anything like this? Thank you for listening.

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By marcie on Sun, 01-29-12, 18:23

Just give yourself a little more time, and try to pay more attention to what is going on. This will give you the opportunity to evaluate the situation and to make a right decision. Wishing you all well. God bless you.

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By puerto rican princess on Tue, 02-21-12, 12:13

god bless you thanks for sharing your story thing will get better got bless take care never give up you have my suport ever wanna talk message me im here

ptsd is ruining my life..........

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By Joshmb on Tue, 02-21-12, 12:37

he needs to go to saa meeting and therapy to get over his addiction. helping him is the best thing you can do, alot of sex addicts are suicidial. with his background you leaving him could be the worst. sex addiction is a disease he cannot help it. but with work it can be controlled but it is going to take time alot of time if he comes to you in a month and says i am fine he is lying he might think he is but he isn't.

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By ShoelessJo on Mon, 03-12-12, 19:11

I think it's great that you two found love for each other after all of the tough things you have both been through. Broken roads can lead you to the right things if you learn from your mistakes.

HOWEVER, if your gut is telling you not to trust him, and if you don't logically believe that you should trust him, listen. And you shouldn't feel like you have to stay with him because you're afraid of what he might or might not do. The problem with pathological liars and addicts is that they always tell you what you want to hear to get what they want--in this case, he wants you to stay with him.

You feel like you're enabling him by trying to trust him and by staying with him. You're probably right. Yes, he may do something stupid and harmful if you break up with him. That is NO reason to stay in a relationship that you aren't happy in, or feel like you're being taken advantage of. You can love him all you want, but you do NOT have to make yourself miserable and stay in an unhealthy relationship to keep him from doing something bad to himself. And despite what he would have you think, it wouldn't be your fault if he did. He had issues before you started dating. And if you've ever watched Intervention, a lot of addicts need a serious kick in the ass from the people they love before they see a real need to change.

You need to do what's right for you. If you aren't happy and don't trust him and are living in fear that he might kill himself (or whatever), that's not a relationship you need to be in. Don't live your life for someone else.

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